edgy wreck

OMGG! i'm literally going mad with each passing hour, minute, second! it's been FOREVER since i started studying and exams isn't over! this is a nightmare.

i don't even want to tell you the things that are going through my head now. all the different body systems. how an decrease in blood pressure can affect the cardiovascular system by the baroreceptor reflex. which increases blood pressure by increasing sympathetic activity, increasing heart rate, vasoconstriction of arterioles which increase blood pressure. and decrease in BP can also affect the renal system by increasing renin production which increases angiotensin II which increases production of aldosterone which increases sodium reabsorption which increases H2O reabsorption which decreases urine output which means increase in blood volume and increase in blood pressure! back to homeostasis! or do u want me to tell you that when increase in blood pressure brings in the effect of the Atrial Natriuretic Hormone. which is the opp of the renin-angiotensin system?? and i haven't talked about the effect of ADH and even GFR and wad not. this can go on and on cuz blood pressure changes affects soooooo many things!

i guess the good thing is that all this is automatic. imagine if we need to think through this process and tell our body to do a certain thing at a certain time, or when a certain part of our body system goes bonkers. we would literally go bonkers. like me! now! AH!

ok take a chill pill. a happy pill. ahhhh. ls said he'll get me choc overload later. maybe that will trigger my body to release some hormone that i don't study about, thank goodness. and it'll make me happier? actually it's not whether i am happy or not. i feel "normal" i just want time to pass FASTER and i want to get this over and done with. i am okay. not?

someone distract me pleaseeeee........

dear library...

dear library, you and i, just 2 more days.

all set.

i just packed my room! sorted out the clothes that i'm bringing back home with me, and those that i am leaving behind. i realised that i do not really have a lot of clothes. i mean i kinda knew... but, oh wells. good excuse to go shopping? great singapore sale is on right? and more shopping in US. i left 4 pairs of jeans behind. =D brought back all my shorts. getting ready for the hot weather in singapore. can you tell how excited i am to go home?!! anything but studying. =P

had really bad cramps in the morning. the kind where i almost black out, with fuzzy vision, cold sweat. the feeling of puking and then rolling on my bed for like 20mins, moaning. ls was at a loss as to wad to do when he came to my room. (we were supposed to go to the library to study) and he asked "want some music?" hahaha. if i could, i'd have laughed. but i was in too much pain. seriously. i wonder what it'll feel like when i have a child. omgg.

3 more days and exams are over. hurry hurry! though i still got a lil bit of studying to do. but i still kinda want time to pass a lil bit faster. more and more ppl are getting chirpier in the dining hall, having completed their exams. bleah.

going road trip down to albany again. 9 of us. i think it'll be fun. can't wait. and then.... 8 more days to home sweet home. awesomeness. life is getting better by the day.

exam time

the day has finally come, when i'm going to sit for my FIRST paper. been waiting for forever. getting me very restless.

isaiah 26:3
"you will give him perfect peace,
his whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you."

dear all back home, i can't wait to see your faces, to be near you all. and to hear your laughters and talk real time. i'm glad this semester is almost over. i think it has been one crazy one and familiar company will be good. i cant wait for late night suppers, sleepovers at car's, pasir ris park with ah yun, yakun with charmy and abby and best of all, back under the same roof of my beloved mummy and papa and annoying brothers.

wen han (youngest) to me... "hey sis, hey sis, hey sis, what are you doing? hey sis, hey sis, hey sis, are you studying in the library? hey sis, hey sis, why are you not talking to me??"

yes i miss annoying =)

God's punishment

i'm not sure if i am right in saying all these, but i really wonder "is God less strict than He was a few centuries back?" do you not find it queer that as you read the Bible, that there are so many examples of God punishing His people, withdrawing His presence from them, handing them over to their enemies or delayed promise fulfillment? Then, comparing it with today's prevalent evil or even the way Christians approach God the with a slack attitude and the lack of fear of God thereof, I included, that you wonder "has God kinda 'given' up on us? that we are tooo bad that He can't be bothered to punish us anymore?"

i'm sure it's not that, and that i have miniscule him to my limited understanding of His power and might. But this makes me reflect on the way i've approached God over the last few days, weeks etc. many a times i come before God with a self seeking agenda. instead of glorifying Him, i demand answers. instead of enjoying His presence, i rush in and even out.

as i'm typing this, the thought that comes to my mind is Seek His Face. BUT HOWWWW?!!!

anyways back to my topic. i realised too that i don't really know when God is punishing me. i guess i dont like the idea of Him punishing me, and if stuff happens, i'd probably blame my lack of time spent with God or something. i never know, when things go wrong, whether it was me who caused it to happen or coincidence or God. How does God punish us anyways? i think hardly any preachers preach on God punishing us.

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in."
-Proverbs 3:11-12