a break from silence

i know that ever since i came back to singapore, i've been silent. too silent for some people's liking. so here i am, to jot down some of my random thoughts.

the past 4 weeks has marked a shift in my life. interesting i'd say. a journey in itself, but it's only the beginning. makes you wonder where this road will lead you to, but you know that at the end of the day, our God Almighty has it all under control.

as i was reading breakthrough prayer on the way home, i realised how much i needed a fresh perspective of life. for a while, i've been looking at life and people through my lenses and not God's. which led to disillusionment, disappointment, hurts, passiveness and just that loss of joy in life. i've allowed my view of life to cloud my thinking of what life is really supposed to be.

i think i'm really good at playing hide and seek too. but hiding from myself. in me, i've locked away in different boxes of different sizes various stuff that i'd rather not see nor face. yet God is beckoning me to open them one by one, but the emotions of each overwhelms me and i cannot contain it. i realised that these boxes left unopened, though unknown to the world, is slowly usurping the very joy in me that i used to carry. this cannot continue.

i find myself these days, dazing and stoning, even in the presence of someone i cherish and in moments which i should be smiling. this "dead spirit" spreads like a disease and only poisons the very atmosphere that i wanna put in my memory box. unfair to the people close to my heart.

yet isolation is not the way to go. Luke 5:17-19.

i need the faith of my friends.