operation LOVE

"you can only love to the extend that you are loved"

in the process of this. and it's not easy. even knowing that you are loved takes some deep operating procedures to stitch the open wounds, heal the brokenness and self forgiveness.

i need the potions of strength, perserverance and love.

hold my heart with tlc

"i'll hold your heart with tlc"

these words assured me of the solid and deep love my bestie has for me. not that i doubted it, but it cemented it. i've been blessed with many good friends, but this special friend of mine, i cannot stop thanking God for. i never grow tired of talking bout her, thinking bout the good times we had and gonna have.

this is what carissa is to me:
who could stand me, yihui, always so strongheaded, always wanting her way...only car can, giving in not because she's forced to, but wants to. (she said she doesn't even feel like she's giving in)
when i'm impatient, she's patient
when i'm unloving, she loves all the more
when i forget and "ignore" her, she doesn't demand anything, yet waits with grace
she expects nothing from me but me

when i'm hurting, she embraces me, no matter how far apart we are physically
when i'm happy, she rejoices along
whenever i'm in need, she is THERE

i know that i am accepted and loved just for who i am. i know i am never judged, never condemned even when i share the darkest sides of me. i know that no matter what, my heart is in safe hands. maybe that's what trust is all about. giving our hearts wholly to someone, and being assured that it will be protected, taken care of, loved and nourished.

dearest bestie, you've given me a clearer picture of what it'll be like when i trust my Father in heaven. He is my Father, He will take care of me right? why do i find it so hard to trust sometimes? if i can trust my bestie, i can trust my daddy God.

i am loved, no matter how dirty and broken i am.
"YOU hold my heart with tlc"

...

i wish this was easier.

goodnight.

A Perfect God, sad

Today i am reminded that our actions can grieve the Holy Spirit.

Yet every page that i flip, i see God's redemptive love written all over. words like "they will be my people, I will be their God", "I will make an everlasting covenant with them", "I have chosen you and have not rejected you" and the list goes on.

it makes me sad, that I've (we've) made You sad.

lock and key hypothesis

i should blog bout my camp sooon. SOOOO many great stuff happened, but that also means a very long post too. hahas. so let me just share with you my random thought today.

this is my lock and key hypothesis. (if you study bio, you'll understand. haha) in a relationship, God is like the lock, ie the enzyme. An enzyme is one which speeds up the rate of chemical reaction or acts as a catalyst in a biological reaction or process without being changed or altered at the end of the chemical reaction. in the same way, God is our constant, and when 2 substrates come together, a chemical reaction takes place, bonds are formed and a new substrate is produced!

you can think of it in the light of a BGR. but today i was thinking of it in terms of friendships. esp christians with non-christians. i believe, if we bring our non christian friend to God, and allow him to be the enzyme in our lives, God will bring us closer together. a stronger friendship will be formed and wa-la! who knows, they will be brought into the kingdom of light.

a new substrate is formed!

food for thought: who are the fellow substrates in our lives?