kingdom life

count your blessings

2011-10-06T01:43:00.002+08:00

thought for the day: count your blessings

i realised how easy it is to brood over the bad things that happened and whine about, spreading the news and getting people to sympathise with you. well, i did that today at least. i might as well say the bad stuff for memory sake.
1) big tear in my shorts (butt area) how apt
2) parking fine cuz i seriously forgot it was a pay zone
3) fused bulb in my room
4) car batt died 1145pm at caltex

now as i head to bed, the thought of count your blessings came to mind. it's easy to get tangled in the negatives of life and take for granted the blessings given to us. i should learn to count my blessings day by day.

tomorrow will be a better day =)

such freedom, such love

2011-10-01T18:50:00.002+08:00

Matthew 6:33 "But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you."

If we seek first God's kingdom and righteousness, which is the will of God for our lives, then whatever choices we make concerning the future become the will of God for our lives. There are many pathways we could follow, many options we could pursue. As long as we are seeking God, all of them can be God's will for our lives, although only one - the path we choose - actually becomes his will. -Jerry Sittser (the Will of God as a Way of Life)

as i read this for the very first time, i felt the immense love of God wrapping around me. who am i that He should entrust me with the ability to choose from soo many paths, and believe that i'll choose wisely, choose something that will bring him honor and glory.

could it be that he loves me soooo much that he'd trust me to make a good decision? and could it be that he loves me so much to grant me such freedom to choose WADEVA i want, even when he knew/knows that sometimes i may choose things that may hurt him. could it be that he wants all things good for me? could it really be that he still watches over me with tender loving eyes even during times when i falter and beckons me to try again. could it be that his love is really THAT unconditional, giving and sacrificial?

I stand here amazed. totally in love with my loving God.

christian pumpkin.

2011-06-11T13:20:00.000+08:00

"Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin. God lifts you up, takes you in,
and washes all the dirt off of you. He opens you up, touches you deep
inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff, including the seeds of doubt,
hate, greed, etc. Then He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light
inside you to shine for all the world to see." -mike ruffin-

2011-04-20T17:58:00.002+08:00

the God of my youth is my God of today. dear God, i want to grow old with you.

wonderings...

2011-04-16T00:25:00.002+08:00

i wonder if it's wrong to feel energized after leading bible study when i used to feel so drained attending bible study....

master chef

2011-03-15T21:12:00.006+08:00

i've been cooking more now since i've moved out and i really enjoy it =) i love trying out new dishes and just having the satisfaction that even though you don't really know what you're doing, it still comes out tasty! hahaha. that's the beauty of cooking. you can add this and add that, and if you skip a step, don't worry, just add it in. =P you know how you go to your mums or aunts and ask them "how do you cook this dish???" and they'll go "aw! it's easy! just add a lil bit of salt, a lil bit of sugar, a lil bit of water....." etc etc and they NEVER tell you how much to put in.

when i was in the states, i asked my peurto rican friend, franklin how to cook the delicious pasta he made. he then dragged me over and he showed me step by step, with lots of hand gestures. he said: fry garlic and some coriander until it smells good. then add tomato paste, about like that (points to the bottle), fry it and add pasta sauce about this much... add in some shrimps....put some salt (uses fingers), some honey (waves his hand over the wok like as though casting a spell on it) then some coconut milk. like that. okay? haha. and that's how most cooks do it. it's all about the FEEL. about how much you think is right. for a person who likes specifics, like my dad... cooking is NOT for you. hahaha (by the way, i tried the pasta here and totally failed. =P)

here are some of the dishes i've cooked. pretty decent, but of course not top notch.

minced beef with long beans and chilli padi! =D

my failed pasta =X

steam egg! smooooth and silky.

some chicken dish using ALL the remaining food we had left in the fridge. HAHA

and thanks to my loving housemates who eat everything i cook, wash the dishes and encourage me everyday! hehe! <3

the "perfect" car

2011-03-10T10:31:00.002+08:00

today i am gonna collect my car from the dealer. omgg. can't believe i'm using the word "MY". hahas. well, having lots of mixed feelings now. i'm excited, yet kinda feel like it's nothing really THAT big to fret about. but the more i think about it... i think it's big lah...

been searching on the net for cars intensely for the past 2-3 weeks. some good deals have come and gone, and the more u look, the more you realize that there can never be a PERFECT car. there will always be one or two things that do not fit right to your criteria. maybe the mileage is abit high? or the year of the car is too old? or the colour is not red... hahas. or maybe just when u think you've found the "perfect car", you realized the bonnet has been slightly damaged. =P

this current car that i bought is really one of the better deals i've seen out there. almost perfect. low mileage of 42000km, a 2008 toyota corolla = cheaper servicing, cheaper parts if need to replace, fuel efficient, nice comfy medium car with abs breaks, many air bags etc etc. but why do i say almost perfect? cuz... of all colours. it had to be white!!!! ahhh. but you know wad? though it may not be the most ecstatically pleasing to the eye, i am thankful that God helped me through the bargaining process to get this deal. hehehe! 15k yo! not nice nvm lah! what's more impt is that it can bring me on many many adventures from today on.. =)

i guess this whole car process is kinda similar to life. you gotta do your research, put in loads of precious time, talk about it with different ppl (the more expert ones) etc. and at the end of the day, when you are sooo almost very certain, and you realize that you're gonna get it. you freak out again. hahas.

God's love revealed

2011-01-25T14:31:00.003+08:00

i know, i know i'm a irresponsible blogger. hahas. but i really have no mood to blog. a lot of things have happened/are happening, but there is just no motivation to write anything.

2010 was a goooood year but not an easy year.. however i believe things have changed inside of me. i thank God for all the lessons He's taught me. for all the sifting and pruning. through the relationships and friedships i had, i saw a part of me that i've never seen before. it wasn't the most pleasant and at times when i felt so disappointed, i knew that my Creator was holding me in His hands. After the first half of the year, i had almost hit rock bottom, drained, and delusional. i struggled believing in the love my friends had for me, and i questioned their intentions of loving me. i tried to stand strong, tried to put on a front that everything was alright, but subconciously i had drawn away from people.

i went to America, not totally excited and not hoping for much. instead i saw it as an opportunity to run away. to run away from reality, and to run away from friends. i wanted to be "alone", to be by myself, to be myself. i went there also thinking that God will teach me how to trust Him even through the loneliness, but God having a better plan, provided soooo soooo sooooo many friends, who supported me throughout my time in America. He showered His love upon me through these friends, and I cannot deny that He loves me, and knows my inmost needs. over those few months, he slowly peeled away the hardenered layers of my heart that i've built towards ppl. He restored my trust in ppl. He healed me of my disappointments and hurts. He showed me that there was still hope in the church (not that there isn't, but i FELT there wasn't..) He showed me that the church (body of believers) still loves, and that the church is still the hope/salt/light of the world.

there's so much more, but through 2010, God never failed to love me through the good times and the bad and I don't take that for granted.

am i ready??

2010-10-29T13:50:00.001+08:00

"I can read the Bible a hundred times, read Lady in Waiting fifty times, but if my heart is not ready to give Him my desires, nothing in this world will help. Therefore it is for those who are ready to give the King all their dreams, desires, and wishes and go with their “Naomis” to the unknown that they will find in the end God’s promised land. Such following may look good to us or not - but God, His ways are perfect, and He protects those who hide under the shadow of His wings. We must trust God during our time of waiting, during moments of loneliness, and must fight the best we can with God’s help to guard our hearts, for from our hearts come the issues of life.”

- Keren, middle eastern single girl
(adapted from A Man Worth Waiting For)

happiness

2010-10-16T05:03:00.002+08:00

just spent some time listening to RiverLife sermons. and it makes me feel very very happy. i feel so much closer to home, and i realised it's so easy to connect with the speaker even being so far away, either by watching him (ps phillip huan) on video or listening to him (joachim) on itunes. =)

joachim really made me laugh non-stop. so embarrassing cuz i'm in some common area. and laughing and smiling retardly to a computer is a no-no. anyways, i especially love the part after he cracked a joke and said something like "joachim is back! too bad" hahaha. yeah and we're all happy you're back joa! so happy you're back in action, alive and kickin. "after i tell a joke, jing en will roll her eyes, but because it's so dark, i cannot see!" hahahaha. still so proud of it. can't wait to hear more funny stories =P

about 2 more months and 1 week before i get back to the sunny island Singapore. not much time left, guess i gotta get my priorities straight too. did up my list already and i'm pleased. it's going to be an exciting 2 months here in cold and rainy pennsylvania. (it's like 9degrees outside now.. and it's in the day O.O yikes)

also spent some good quality time skyping with car in the morning. never take for granted the special ppl that God has given you. never take for granted how good friends are always there to lend a listening ear. and how they never judge you no matter how terrible you might be.

i love fridays! where it's just me and God <3

BOSTON

2010-10-10T13:20:00.004+08:00

playing a fool at brooklyn park with new york city skyline as the backdrop

reaching for the pretty FALLing leaves at HARVARD!

church of science

church of science entrance

some of the superbly beautiful building in Boston

our yummy dinner. a treat of a lifetime! <3
okay guys. that's all i can manage. my eyes keep closing even as I update here...

"bringing Boston to you =)"

quek shi yun!

2010-10-07T02:10:00.004+08:00

omgggg. i'm FREEZING! i don't believe it's only 11degrees. i feel like it's 5 degrees or even 0. hur! i've got a 2-3 page response paper due later, and here i am blogging. but i realise, this is how i work. getting rid of all the random things, then focus on that. i kinda work under stress. i am "stressed" that there is no more time cuz i have class till 345pm and I have to do this by 7pm but i can't bring myself to start.

anyways, i am really thankful to God for placing such lovely people around me to care and love me and encourage me. Thank you girls! carissa toh, quek shiyun, charmy, abby and shiwei! I thank God for you all, for giving me you.

this is a special shout out to ah yun!!! shiyun. you really know how to make me laugh and feel so comfortable sharing with you! you are my authentic friend. hahas. not only can i seek your counsel, but i can also play and talk rubbish with you. i like! i like your email updates tooo! even though you blog a lot. =P andddd i just wanna say i TREASURE you a lot! a lot a lot. <3

status

2010-10-05T01:51:00.002+08:00

i'm quite intrigued by how a vague facebook status can attract so much attention. and amazed at how ppl can comment without having a clue of what's going on in your life. take no offenses, of course i was prepared for people to read it and do with it as they wish, for i did post it up on facebook. but i'm still surprised. i guess i didn't quite expect ppl to respond to it, cuz i was giving a shout out to myself to be strong. hahas. ohwells. i'm not making quite a lot of sense.

read a book called forgotten God by francis chan, senior pastor of cornerstone church in simi valley, california. he wrote in one part of the book: the decisions we make next year will be profoundly affected by the degree to which we submit to the Spirit right now in today's decision. which is so true, cuz we always pray for God's will in our lives, but forget that it's the everyday decisions we make today that will lead us there. it is the daily walking and communion with Christ that matters. nothing matters when you know you are walking in step with him. it's like the blind being led by the arm of a trusted friend, one step at a time. every day matters. i should start getting this right.

you worry about what's ahead of you, and you keep asking God what's next? what's next? what's in for me in 20 years time. you want to know what it'll be like, cuz you fear the unknown. that's kinda how i feel. forgetting that i have the Holy Spirit, walking BESIDE me and guiding each step of the way. forgetting that i am never alone, never forsaken.

that being said, it seems like i "know it all". like i am getting revelations. not really. and sometimes i wonder, do the writers who write, and the pastors who preach etc, know wad they are talking about. cuz i'm pretty lost.

today's prayer

2010-10-03T13:37:00.002+08:00

I desire to live for you.
Let me not quench the Spirit today
Instead, may the fire of God consume me once again

1 Thessalonians 5:19

sailing the chesapeake bay

2010-10-02T13:10:00.005+08:00

sorry i've not been very consistent this sem. there's something about america that makes me blog less. maybe cuz there are alway things to do, places to go. and somehow, time slips away and you find yourself not having much time to do stuff. actually i do have a lot of time for myself, but. LAZY LAH!

last week i went on my sailing field trip down south east to the eastern shore of maryland, chesapeake bay. it took us 5hours plus to get there and we left on thurs evening and came back on sunday night. it was really really fun and i had the time of my life there!=) esp the 2nd day when we went out on the skipjack and sailed the bay, caught crabs, cooked 'em and ate them on board. i also got to eat freshly shucked oysters! mmmm yumms. for more pics, just go check out my fb =)

i'm going on another field trip tmr to the harrisburg portion of the susquehanna river. hopefully the weather holds up and it won't be too cold tmr. my tolerance for cold is getter lower and lower. a sign that singapore is my HOME. hahaha.

i've been reading a book: forgotten God by francis chan. it talks about us forgetting about the Holy Spirit. though i would say i've experienced the power of the Holy Spirit and i know a lil abit about it, this book is reaallyy reminding me of the certain basics that i've forgotten and how in certain ways i've quenched the Spirit (1Thes 5:19). the choices i make in life aren't really for me to make. cuz i will almost certainly make the wrong choices. but with the Holy Spirit's guidance i will be able to make the God choices. as i read, i keep wondering about how other people and myself included say stuff like: God led me to do this, God told me this, He spoke to me, He showed me. and i wonder if it reaaaaalllllyyyyy did happen. i know they did, but sometimes i doubt myself too. won't it hurt God sooo much if we put words into His mouth.

amazon here is sooo convenient and cheap, and as much as i'd like to buy books for anyone who wants, i might not be able to. but if u really want, just tell me okay? i miss all of you back home. =)

time to get into gear

2010-09-14T01:49:00.003+08:00

sitting in my room. at a "loss" as to what to do. it's already week 4 of school. i've got work piling up and I don't know where to start. an assignment due tmr. project/presentation on thursday which consists of 2 summaries of research papers, 15 ppt slides and a written summary of our presentation. which for my case is about self confidence. got tons of reading, which i have yet to touch. at least 1 reading for each unit each lesson. 2 upcoming exams next thurs. how how how??

and all i'm doing here is sitting and complaining.

on a side note, my weekend was awesome. went outlet shopping on saturday. bought loads of stuff.. got lost on the way back. missed our exit by 53 miles. which is about 85km. so had to turn back.... that is 170km of useless driving, besides the fact that we were having a good time singing and talking nonsense in the car. and cuz we had the car on sunday too, we went to a small amusement park just 30mins drive away. 12.95 for good spinning fun and yummy korean food to end the day.

i also decided to take this course that has 4 field trips which includes a sailing and a canoeing trip http://www.outreach.psu.edu/adventure-lit/chesapeake/ oh and sarah... it's an english course. HAHA. more readings and writing.

i'm still recovering from the fun. time to start studying soooon.

caving

2010-09-07T03:22:00.003+08:00

okok.. time to go back in time. let's rewind to wed, 1st September. I went caving! we went to this place called tytoona. it was amazing and an experience never to forget.

just before that, shawna and I were walking around downtown, shopping for penn state shirts for saturday's game and we got kinda lost. or rather i got us lost cuz i was convinced that left was the right way to go. i guess next time, right is always right. anyways. she told me they were going caving that evening and i was like why never ask me?! and she said she sent me the email which i didn't receive of course. so in less than 30mins, we rushed back so that i could change and grab some stuff and headed off to the meeting point.

on the drive there which took about 30mins plus, i found out that we were going to get all dirty and wet. and i was like -_-" didn't bring an extra change of clothes. dot dot dot. but anyways. there's no stopping me to getting into some adventure. hehe. once we got there, we grabbed ourselves some helmets and we were all ready to go!

as we stepped into the cave, geez it was cold. and dark. but it got "better"...soon enough we found ourselves trudging in water knee deep and bent over so that we would not hit the "ceiling" and just making noises to see if there was an echo. we walked till the end of the cave that wasn't really the end, just that you'd need to scuba dive 20/30 feet down to continue exploring. at this end, we did wad i call the silent black out. we switched off our headlights and just kept really silent. it was so dark that you couldn't see your hand even if you put it right in front of your face. it made me feel like i was all alone in that place, hearing only the sound of moving water and nothing else. it was like escapism from reality only that there was a certain strange beauty to that silence and darkness that i cannot explain in words.

after a few minutes, we switched our lights back on and explored the cave. we found crayfish in the water, frogs and also salamanders. i was so fascinated by the life we found in the cave. i held them in my hands and made some special memories in this big black cave. hahas. i also saw something that caught my attention. it was this flower like thing, we i assume is some type of fungus or parasite cuz it was growing on this black dead log. it was white, and skinny and about the length of my finger. it had the stalk of a beansprout and petals at the end. a very pretty sight.

after exploring we went to another part of the cave where it was so tight that we had to get on our bellies and crawl through the tunnel. and at the end of the tunnel there was a tiny space for like 3 ppl to stand up, all squished up, facing each other and wishing to get out as soon as possible. hahas. the ground was rocky and i got some cuts. but ohman. wad an experience. just outside this tunnel, all around was just clay. and we started making clay man. or started making balls of clay and threw at each other. it was great fun. there was a slopish part too, where we all took turns to slide down the natural clay slide. hahas. so fun!

all in all, though the cave was a lil chilly, and the water was freezing cold and we got all clayish and dirty. it's something i would not mind doing again! hope there are more to come =))

omggg.. feeling the love.

2010-09-06T06:16:00.002+08:00

i dont' quite know where to start, since it has been like 2 weeks since my last post? and A LOT has happened since then. maybe i should just tell you the most recent thing that happened and leave the rest for later...

this morning, before church, i was complaining that I feel that God's not talking to me and that he's so far far away. i know i've been quite cynical over the past few months, and i know this has been a factor in the dryness i feel. my hardened heart is hard. i've been trying to think that it's not, but i guess there is no denying since the symptoms show.

i went to state college assembly of God today. it's my second time there, and i really like it a lot. firstly cuz I can feel God there. which is wow to me. secondly, there are many flags on the ceiling of the main sanctuary, and i think it's a missions church. as i look around me, i see many ppl from very diverse backgrounds. i also heard that the student body alone, in this church has like 22 nations represented. so cool right!! =) a lot of them from countries unknown to me. =X and thirdly, it's a very very welcoming place with very nice people. and OH! their mission statement is "Love God. Love people. Love life!" HAHA!!! i miss home. but this is something that i hold on to personally as well, as my own life mission. =)

today's sermon was on the River of God. a timely word for me and because God kept nudging and i knew i had to do business with God, i went up to the altar today. "Spirit of God pour out", a line in a song they were singing became my heart's cry and God just touched me there and then. i was refreshed by the living water of God, and i felt soo goood. though so far away from home and all alone, i felt so close to God. in that instant, it felt like all my worries were washed away, and i was made new.

after getting up and walking back to my seat, an african girl i believe, approached me and said she felt led to pray for me. and asked for my full name and email address. i felt sooo loved and accepted!! omggg! just a simple gesture like this made me feel so overwhelmed by her love. (my heart is like jumping up and down non stop now...)

today has been God planned, God destined, God given.

So this is the family of God. I love my family!

new york

2010-08-23T11:36:00.003+08:00

i feel obliged to tell you all about my new york trip. because not telling you will be like disrupting the flow of my stay here in penn state. hahs. we reached new york on friday afternoon, about 2pm and only headed to the city at about 4pm? at the end of the day, if given a choice, i think i'd rather go elsewhere with more nature rather than new york.

new york is a city full of life. it never sleeps. it's full of people from all around the world. every where you go, you see people, yellow taxis and more people. there is no one corner you go without seeing someone else. anyways. the subways are dirty and VERY hot. the trains take very long to come, and people in singapore complain about the inefficiency of our public transport system. the city is big. very big. and my feet hurts from walking from one place to another.

places we went on friday: grand central terminal, central park and times square. i walked into the mega big toys 'r' us again, but there was no excitement like there was the previous time. i realised that i dont normally do things 2 times. it's harder to appreciate it. esp if its nothing to admire or slowly enjoy. and when i looked at the spot where we (car, sherron, joa and i) went to to get this funky toy for ernie, now in that same tray, they sold talking pigs. hahas. times square was its usual buzzy self. full of life and lights and noise.

on saturday we went to wall street to see the new york stock exchange, the bull, went to the ferry point where ppl take the ferry to the statue of liberty. (queue was too long), chinatown for lunch then to the brooklyn bridge (where i rmb that fateful day). next united nations building, back to central park then chinatown again for dinner and then headed back to the carpark. it was really crowded on saturday. there was this bike marathon thing, and they closed off some of the main roads to let bikers ride on them. central park was nice. but i prefer it in spring where the trees are either still barren or just about to grow back its leaves. it was just way too crowded for my liking. a park is meant to be peaceful. not jammed packed with ppl. i think new york was nicer the last time i came with car and gang. it was cold. but it was more peaceful.

i'm not too excited as you can tell. hahas. ohwells. anywyas, i'm in my new room now. with my new roommate. she's nice. =) and some other ppl along the hallway just popped in to introduce themselves. really friendly ppl.... =) tomorrow is my first day of school. excited but nervous. i don't really know wad to expect. handball, fencing, some sports ethics class and also stats in sports. hahas. weird. and everyone who reads this. i need your prayers. my units here are not fully settled and i cant get into some classes that i need to. so pray that i'll get into KINES 360 and KINES 422. and that God will provide!! thanks all. i'm sleeeepy. goodnight.

the niagara falls

2010-08-20T13:45:00.005+08:00

yesterday my dad and i decided to head down to the american side of the niagara falls to see if we could catch the sunset. as we were driving, i was just really surprised how built up the area was... and i commented that i could not imagine that niagara falls was only about 20mins drive away. when we reached there, it was like a resort. surrounded by hotels, casinos, theme parks etc. to be honest, i was disappointed. i thought i was heading towards some jungle forested area, and we'd have to hike some path to get to the falls. but i was wrong.

however, after visiting the canadian side of the falls today, i have changed my mind. the niagara falls is truly majestic and beautiful in its very own special way. there are seriously hardly any words to describe it. it was so surreal. we started off by walking to the back of the falls. and to some observation platform right beside the falls. we were getting wet but i was enjoying every bit of it. just feeling the water from the falls splashing onto my face, and hearing the might of the water as it cascaded down. i felt like a small girl, playing in the rain, running about in the puddles and in my own little imagination world. hahas.

next we went to this 4D animation thing that taught us about the how the falls came about. the main character was a chipmunk. made me miss my bestie a lot. but i know our friendship is in God's hands, and he is slowly moulding our friendship to become an even more beautiful one. =)

we went to the whirlpool next. wow. the rapids were massive. it's hard to imagine how ppl could survive in it. yet there were stories of ppl who survived the rapids in a barrel. some swam in it, some tightope above it, others took the boat out. many lives were lost. not all survived. and i don't quite understand why they would do it too. to risk their lives for fame.

i saw quite a few amish families today around the park. makes me wonder if any christian missionaries reach out to them. aren't they fated to live in their small lil community, away from the world and have hardly any chance to hear the redeeming story of Christ?

last but not least, we went on to the maid of the mist. it was such an adventure. the best part was when the maid of the mist (the boat/cruise ship) was just below the horseshoe falls. as i looked around, i was surrounded by the falls. mesmerized by its beauty and might. the boat was "struggling" to move fwd because of the strong currents below. a lil boy beside me shouting "look mummy! water fall!" hahas. and my dad shouting with the camera "look here yihui!" but apart from all that "distraction" i was really lost for words. it's like being in a lost world you know?? but with blue ponchos on. hahs. i wish i could stay there all day and just busk in the Glory of God's creation. i could so imagine the sun rays, shining through the mist, forming beautiful rainbows and bright little specks of gold dust sprinkled all around. and little fairies too!

there's so much more to say. like how the waters fell off the edge of cliff. it looked like glassy, clear green water flowing smoothly off the cliff gracefully like... velvet. hahas. i think my descriptions are spoiling the real beauty of it. i shall stop here. but i rmb the thought as i saw this sight. "God, your grace is never ending, overflowing"

goodnight peeps. love you.

course watching

2010-08-18T02:47:00.002+08:00

the campus is SOOOO HUGEEE! i'm dying walking from one place to another. i miss my bike in aussie. =(

my dad was supposed to be here about 12-1. but he's still not here, and i'm still rotting here waiting for him. or rather resting. cuz the earlier part of the day was just crazy. i walked to the bank to collect my debit card, but it wasn't ready. then i walked to bouke building to try get my visa paper signed so that i can cross borders today and re-enter the states with no problem. but the lady said i had to pay my school fees first. so i decided to walk to my hall first to get some stuff, then i went to pay my fees, and then back to bouke to get my papers signed then here at lunch. each walking trip took AT LEAST 20minutes and it wasn't even up and down campus. it's just all over!! imagine how big this place is.. and you know how much i hate walking.... bleah

i can't believe i'm sitting here watching my penn state email. i'm doing this thing called course watching. that is, waiting for ppl to drop out of the class so that i can get in. out of my 4 units, i only got 2. and i can't get into 2 of my classes which are supposed to replace my cores back in aussie. so i'm kinda stuck. i also didn't get my fly fishing and sea kayaking! how sad is that. =( but i'm watching it now!! hopefully someone drops it and i grab it in time, for now, i enrolled myself into judo, fencing and bball. i can't decide which i want. i only chose them cuz some ppl dropped them and they were the only free ones. and women's bball here is number one in the whole of US. so.... must be quite a thing to do a bball class here i reckon.

i also moved into my permanent residence today.. i did some unpacking just now, and got my room in order. my room is so-so. tommy more is much better. (L block i mean) other than the fact that they provide a fridge and microwave here. and i can choose where i want to eat anywhere on campus. i also did some praying in my room so that God can take precedence there. =) so far through my exchanges through email with my roomy, i think she's nice. her name is dominique alexis williams. oh and i stay in cross halls, which apparently has a lot of the sorority girls staying there. don't know if that's good or bad. we'll see!

my three friends took a bus to new york today. so i'm kinda left alone. waiting for my dad and munching on my turkey chiptole sandwich which costs 5.99. so not worth it. cuz it made me full so fast and it was kinda dry... i would have much preferred soup which was only 2.99.

i feel like i'm blogging point to point. but i don't really care. i just wanna go niagara falls now. hahas.

penn state beginnings.

2010-08-16T09:09:00.004+08:00

after today, my conclusion about penn state... it's AMAZING! i think it's gonna be a really good semester with God.

On the first day of arriving, nothing much happened. it was just admin after admin. running from one building to another with my dad trying to fix up everything. in a way, i'm not that independent cuz i have my dad with me. but i'm pretty sure i'd have survive just the same without him. BUT!!!!! i am sooo glad he came. =) hehe. it really helps a lot, cuz going to walmart by yourself is a pain. esp on the first day of school when you have no friends, man, that's really sad. i actually felt quite lonely the first few days. i told God: God, you seriously want me to have a semester of isolation?! i'm going to DIEEEE! hahas. anyways. so i arrived on mon, my dad left on wed night. so since thurs, i have been learning independence. going around making new friends, and going for random activities. let me just enlighten you.

thurs: met 3 english guys. (their accent is sooo adorable! hahas) 1 scottish girl and my aussie UWA friend. hung out with them the whole day, going to some talks and playing cards. there, i met 1 mexican guy, 1 more aussie guy from melbourne and another english guy. pretty cool hur.

friday: went for some exchange students talk and i found singaporeans!! HAHA. you wouldn't believe how thrilled i was. however, all the students for nus had weird accents. which i then realised later that they were not singaporeans, they were from china and one was south indian. another guy sounded singaporean. but his english wasnt good. his singlish was reaaaallllyyy strong. ANYWAYS.. the good news was, i found a girl who's studying in unsw, sydney, who is singaporean! hahas. that was when i was reallyyy happy. i thought i was the only crazy person who would do such a thing. but no!! i found another singaporean doing exactly the same thing as me. her name is shawna, and was from hwa chong, 88 batch and she's reallyy nice. she's my new buddy. =)
so we hung out the whole day, went for some market tour where we saw amish ppl. really interesting. i'll post the pics on fb. then we also decided to sign up for laser tag that night.
i went for dinner alone (without shawna) and signed up for some dinner tour. we went to this american restaurant. i met 2 french girls and the orientation ldrs were american and chinese. it was nice time hanging out with them
i wore my team SA shirt to laser tag. and just as i was at the sign up booth where we were supposed to meet, i had this guy called ziran who suddenly came up to me and went "singaporean right? SA?" i was like CRAP! i gave myself away. hahahas. but this guy is kinda weird. he "stalked" me on fb. hahas. ohwells. as shawna and i were walking with the group to the laser tag place, this other guy approached me and said "hey, you're from SA?" hahas. my shirt seriously gave me away, but i guess it's a fast way of making new friends from singapore. his name is leon, and we've been hanging out too. laser tag was REALLY fun. went around screaming and shouting. ppl i met: 2 black swiss guys, 2 korean guys, 2 french guys and 1 from germany. i dont know where the rest were from. i think one guy was from iraq or something. i scored 3rd highest player out of 14 players. not bad hur!! and it was 10 bucks for the whole hour, 3 games. =)

sat: signed up for a vertical challenge thing. basically it was a rope challenge. met MORE ppl. 1 indian, 2 french, 1 iranian girl, the bunch of guys i hung out with on the first day, 1 korean girl who's been studying in the states for 8 yrs, 1 holland guy (who was REALLY funny), one aussie guy and leon's roommate arnold who is malaysian. it was quite a fun time we had.
came back and we all had lunch tog. i had a burger, and it was HUGE!! that became my only meal of the day.
by the end of that day, i have a pack now. i hang out with shawna the singaporean girl who studies in unsw, leon who's from nus who also studied in SA before, 87 batch and his roommate arnold. only leon's not christian. he's catholic =P at night which we were at the common area, a korean guy in his 40s came up to us and preach to us the gospel. quite cool.

sun: TODAY!!! i went to church with the four of them. we went to calvary baptist church. it reminded me of home. we sang songs that we sing at riverlife. oh happy day, oh how he loves, hosanna, some other chris tomlin songs that i knew. it's predominantly american. only asians were students. but very few. i kinda like it there. but i guess i'll still hop around a bit. after church we had lunch at chiptole, mexican food. it was quite yummy. just that i don't like beans a lot. i'll pass the beans the next time. but there was rice, beef, sour cream and cheese inside the wrap. very yummy. chopped up tomatoes too! we went to walmart after and amused ourselves with the really cheap food etc. i got my prepaid phone too. =) i am now officially contactable.

NOWWW. coming to the most amazing part. we went to the international ministries picnic when we came back from walmart at 4plus 5. we played some games and hung around. nothing much. but i met this english girl from UK. her name is caroline =)) she's really nice. (the caroline i know in singapore is nice -winks-) yeah, we played a bit of ball tog then we had dinner which was provided. just as we finished eating, this american couple joined our table. which consisted of arnold, shawna, caroline and i. leon had gone out to drink with ziran (the fb stalker. hahas). This white couple apparently has 7 kids. out of which 4 are adopted and there was one more coming! 2 were from haiti and the other girl's black too, but i do not know from where. (i'm sorry i'm using colours to differentiate them, but it's just for a slightly easier way of describing) one of adopted kids was blind and mentally disabled, from serbia, white. we talked about a lot of things. from mining in pennsylvania, to gangs in mexico, haircuts (cuz the husband is a hair stylist) to how to get good resumes etc. another lady also joined our table after a while. and she had 8 kids, 3 were adopted and 1 more was coming. then we went onto the topic of adoption.

it really opened my eyes to see that there are such ppl out there, doing the little they can to totally change a person's life and "destiny" so-called. and they really went all out. the kids they adopted were not the cutest kids (though they were adorable actually) but they had their own set of health problems, emotional issues, and of course you'd know that these kids need A LOT of love.... and these ppl, really loved them as their own. hearing the guy say, yes son? (to his haiti son, 2 half yrs old) and kissing his haiti daughter (4yrs old) on the cheek, stroking his blind and mentally disabled son (about 6?). there were so so so many other things. his other black daughter (11 yrs old), american-ised alr, came up to him and was like saying "daddy! blah blah blah" and she had her arms around his as they sat together, and she leaned on his arm/shoulder. the 2.5 haiti boy held on tightly to the mum a lot and he looked really cute. the 4 yr old girl has learnt A LOT of english just staying 6 months in america. she's really smart. and the couple kept on praising their kids in front of us.

i was just sooo moved by how this couple loved their kids so much. and how they kept praising them, and as they were showing love to us international students, they constantly showered soooo much love on their own. their hearts are so so so big!!! they looked like a very very happy couple. they didn't talk about God, but their actions shouted out so loudly that they loved God and His people. the other lady too, was both looking out for her own kids as well as this couple's kids. the whole time i just sat there, speechless in my heart. though still engaging in conversation on the outside. These people, were walking in their calling, making a difference in whatever way they could.

i'm really quite lost for words now, though i have many thoughts. they have reflected to me, how God can love us all. How much God loves me for me. How you do your part to make a difference in this world. How contented you can be just walking with God, etc.

i believe with all of my heart, that i have a lot to learn this semester. it is not all about play and study. i am where God wants me to be.

a break from silence

2010-07-30T22:30:00.002+08:00

i know that ever since i came back to singapore, i've been silent. too silent for some people's liking. so here i am, to jot down some of my random thoughts.

the past 4 weeks has marked a shift in my life. interesting i'd say. a journey in itself, but it's only the beginning. makes you wonder where this road will lead you to, but you know that at the end of the day, our God Almighty has it all under control.

as i was reading breakthrough prayer on the way home, i realised how much i needed a fresh perspective of life. for a while, i've been looking at life and people through my lenses and not God's. which led to disillusionment, disappointment, hurts, passiveness and just that loss of joy in life. i've allowed my view of life to cloud my thinking of what life is really supposed to be.

i think i'm really good at playing hide and seek too. but hiding from myself. in me, i've locked away in different boxes of different sizes various stuff that i'd rather not see nor face. yet God is beckoning me to open them one by one, but the emotions of each overwhelms me and i cannot contain it. i realised that these boxes left unopened, though unknown to the world, is slowly usurping the very joy in me that i used to carry. this cannot continue.

i find myself these days, dazing and stoning, even in the presence of someone i cherish and in moments which i should be smiling. this "dead spirit" spreads like a disease and only poisons the very atmosphere that i wanna put in my memory box. unfair to the people close to my heart.

yet isolation is not the way to go. Luke 5:17-19.

i need the faith of my friends.

edgy wreck

2010-06-16T19:22:00.004+08:00

OMGG! i'm literally going mad with each passing hour, minute, second! it's been FOREVER since i started studying and exams isn't over! this is a nightmare.

i don't even want to tell you the things that are going through my head now. all the different body systems. how an decrease in blood pressure can affect the cardiovascular system by the baroreceptor reflex. which increases blood pressure by increasing sympathetic activity, increasing heart rate, vasoconstriction of arterioles which increase blood pressure. and decrease in BP can also affect the renal system by increasing renin production which increases angiotensin II which increases production of aldosterone which increases sodium reabsorption which increases H2O reabsorption which decreases urine output which means increase in blood volume and increase in blood pressure! back to homeostasis! or do u want me to tell you that when increase in blood pressure brings in the effect of the Atrial Natriuretic Hormone. which is the opp of the renin-angiotensin system?? and i haven't talked about the effect of ADH and even GFR and wad not. this can go on and on cuz blood pressure changes affects soooooo many things!

i guess the good thing is that all this is automatic. imagine if we need to think through this process and tell our body to do a certain thing at a certain time, or when a certain part of our body system goes bonkers. we would literally go bonkers. like me! now! AH!

ok take a chill pill. a happy pill. ahhhh. ls said he'll get me choc overload later. maybe that will trigger my body to release some hormone that i don't study about, thank goodness. and it'll make me happier? actually it's not whether i am happy or not. i feel "normal" i just want time to pass FASTER and i want to get this over and done with. i am okay. not?

someone distract me pleaseeeee........

dear library...

2010-06-15T11:34:00.003+08:00

dear library, you and i, just 2 more days.

all set.

2010-06-14T21:01:00.002+08:00

i just packed my room! sorted out the clothes that i'm bringing back home with me, and those that i am leaving behind. i realised that i do not really have a lot of clothes. i mean i kinda knew... but, oh wells. good excuse to go shopping? great singapore sale is on right? and more shopping in US. i left 4 pairs of jeans behind. =D brought back all my shorts. getting ready for the hot weather in singapore. can you tell how excited i am to go home?!! anything but studying. =P

had really bad cramps in the morning. the kind where i almost black out, with fuzzy vision, cold sweat. the feeling of puking and then rolling on my bed for like 20mins, moaning. ls was at a loss as to wad to do when he came to my room. (we were supposed to go to the library to study) and he asked "want some music?" hahaha. if i could, i'd have laughed. but i was in too much pain. seriously. i wonder what it'll feel like when i have a child. omgg.

3 more days and exams are over. hurry hurry! though i still got a lil bit of studying to do. but i still kinda want time to pass a lil bit faster. more and more ppl are getting chirpier in the dining hall, having completed their exams. bleah.

going road trip down to albany again. 9 of us. i think it'll be fun. can't wait. and then.... 8 more days to home sweet home. awesomeness. life is getting better by the day.

exam time

2010-06-09T08:47:00.004+08:00

the day has finally come, when i'm going to sit for my FIRST paper. been waiting for forever. getting me very restless.

isaiah 26:3
"you will give him perfect peace,
his whose mind is stayed on you,
because he trusts in you."

dear all back home, i can't wait to see your faces, to be near you all. and to hear your laughters and talk real time. i'm glad this semester is almost over. i think it has been one crazy one and familiar company will be good. i cant wait for late night suppers, sleepovers at car's, pasir ris park with ah yun, yakun with charmy and abby and best of all, back under the same roof of my beloved mummy and papa and annoying brothers.

wen han (youngest) to me... "hey sis, hey sis, hey sis, what are you doing? hey sis, hey sis, hey sis, are you studying in the library? hey sis, hey sis, why are you not talking to me??"

yes i miss annoying =)

God's punishment

2010-06-01T09:06:00.003+08:00

i'm not sure if i am right in saying all these, but i really wonder "is God less strict than He was a few centuries back?" do you not find it queer that as you read the Bible, that there are so many examples of God punishing His people, withdrawing His presence from them, handing them over to their enemies or delayed promise fulfillment? Then, comparing it with today's prevalent evil or even the way Christians approach God the with a slack attitude and the lack of fear of God thereof, I included, that you wonder "has God kinda 'given' up on us? that we are tooo bad that He can't be bothered to punish us anymore?"

i'm sure it's not that, and that i have miniscule him to my limited understanding of His power and might. But this makes me reflect on the way i've approached God over the last few days, weeks etc. many a times i come before God with a self seeking agenda. instead of glorifying Him, i demand answers. instead of enjoying His presence, i rush in and even out.

as i'm typing this, the thought that comes to my mind is Seek His Face. BUT HOWWWW?!!!

anyways back to my topic. i realised too that i don't really know when God is punishing me. i guess i dont like the idea of Him punishing me, and if stuff happens, i'd probably blame my lack of time spent with God or something. i never know, when things go wrong, whether it was me who caused it to happen or coincidence or God. How does God punish us anyways? i think hardly any preachers preach on God punishing us.

"My son, do not despise the LORD's discipline
and do not resent his rebuke,
because the LORD disciplines those he loves,
as a father the son he delights in."
-Proverbs 3:11-12

hungry

2010-05-29T18:33:00.003+08:00

i'm so lazy to blog. but i've got nothing to do. i'm waiting for dinner and i'm FAMISHED. did 4 chapts of exercise physiology. brain bursting. but i shall do 4 more tonight. need to make up for lost time.

30days!

2010-05-24T19:23:00.002+08:00

omg you don't know how badly i want to go home now. 30 more days. i can do this. hahas. but studying is such a chore really. and today the amount i've studied? zero. i'm going to the lib in a bit to force myself to. i realised if u start the day badly, it's hard to bounce back.

i woke up at 11am. the difference of sleeping between 1am and 2am. if i slept at one, i could get up easily at 8plus and start well. but anyways. bad start. before i knew it, it was time for lecture at 12pm. went for that, came back for lunch. SLACKED. decided to go swimming at 3pm. when i went there. i found out that i had missed my 2pm lecture. like how silly is that?! it totally slipped my mind. i guess i was still a walking zombie or something. bleah.

anyways. swimming was quite fun. but tiring. was trying out how to do the tumble turns both the freestyle one and the breaststroke one. and i think i mastered the freestyle/backstroke one. all thanks to youtube before swimming. hahas. then i had to figure out butterfly. got the rhythm and all that. but i think i look funny. mui was trying to help me. she said my shoulder was really stiff, which i attribute it to the horrible rugby injury. lastly i did the dives into the pool. i saw my friend do it and mui and i totally couldn't control our laughter. so bad right. but she really flopped onto her belly and all we could manage was an "ouch".

i think diving takes courage. especially in your first few tries. it's like so high! and your head goes down first. you can't see, not really. but just jump and head straight in. think life and God. hmm.

anyways. i guess i shall stop here. see what i do when i have no facebook. i blog. still "wasting" time. ohwells! study time. see you all in 30 days!

all

2010-05-24T19:09:00.001+08:00

He gives all.
He asks all.

let not me stand in the way.

the choice to make

2010-05-21T11:09:00.005+08:00

"Sow for yourselves righteousness,
reap the fruit of unfailing love,
and break up your unplowed ground;
for it is time to seek the Lord.
until he comes
and showers righteousness on you."

Hosea 10:12

praise You in the storm

2010-05-18T10:48:00.002+08:00

why

2010-05-18T02:05:00.001+08:00

i cant do this anymore. i just want to go home now. i have no more strength. Dear God, I need you more than ever. why does this have to be so hard.

Grace

2010-05-10T22:43:00.003+08:00

as long as you're seeking My face,
you'll walk in the power of My daily sufficient grace.

friends FOURever

2010-05-09T22:32:00.002+08:00

it's only when you come here that you realise how important friends are. i don't know if its me or if ppl feel the same way, but over here, it's very easy to spot those who are real, and those who put on a pretense. i find myself questioning myself everyday why do i hang out with so and so, why am i in this group, why do i associate with them etc.

maybe it's also my expectations of ppl, living in such close proximity with certain individuals, you'd expect relationships to be deep and meaningful. not true. you might be able to find one, if not two and if you're lucky, say three. but even so, i won't keep my hopes too high. i rmb during sec or jc days, when you hang out with a group of peeps and could joke around during breaks etc you'd consider yourselves, close. so comparing it to now, i'd say i'm doing fairly well. but only cuz i bring in the living together factor that makes me question more.

Anyhows, God has brought several great friends into my life. mui, ls, alan, sarah(the only one who'd prob read this. haha) These ppl never fail to assure me that i'm not in this alone. Same struggles, same problems, but we're in this together. hoho. guess what. FOUR good friends. maybe i should take back my words and reach for the sky! =P

In Your Hands

2010-05-08T17:31:00.002+08:00

the safest place to be is in the hands of God.

as my battery and strength is going low,
may your power come and make me whole.
i don't know how but i want to trust,
that at the end of this, it'll be the end of dusk.

no more hiding, please come through,
as i learn to surrender and say
"not my will but yours be done"

for the safest place to be is in the hands of God

operation LOVE

2010-04-30T02:07:00.002+08:00

"you can only love to the extend that you are loved"

in the process of this. and it's not easy. even knowing that you are loved takes some deep operating procedures to stitch the open wounds, heal the brokenness and self forgiveness.

i need the potions of strength, perserverance and love.

hold my heart with tlc

2010-04-28T13:38:00.003+08:00

"i'll hold your heart with tlc"

these words assured me of the solid and deep love my bestie has for me. not that i doubted it, but it cemented it. i've been blessed with many good friends, but this special friend of mine, i cannot stop thanking God for. i never grow tired of talking bout her, thinking bout the good times we had and gonna have.

this is what carissa is to me:
who could stand me, yihui, always so strongheaded, always wanting her way...only car can, giving in not because she's forced to, but wants to. (she said she doesn't even feel like she's giving in)
when i'm impatient, she's patient
when i'm unloving, she loves all the more
when i forget and "ignore" her, she doesn't demand anything, yet waits with grace
she expects nothing from me but me

when i'm hurting, she embraces me, no matter how far apart we are physically
when i'm happy, she rejoices along
whenever i'm in need, she is THERE

i know that i am accepted and loved just for who i am. i know i am never judged, never condemned even when i share the darkest sides of me. i know that no matter what, my heart is in safe hands. maybe that's what trust is all about. giving our hearts wholly to someone, and being assured that it will be protected, taken care of, loved and nourished.

dearest bestie, you've given me a clearer picture of what it'll be like when i trust my Father in heaven. He is my Father, He will take care of me right? why do i find it so hard to trust sometimes? if i can trust my bestie, i can trust my daddy God.

i am loved, no matter how dirty and broken i am.
"YOU hold my heart with tlc"

...

2010-04-21T01:42:00.001+08:00

i wish this was easier.

goodnight.

A Perfect God, sad

2010-04-20T10:45:00.002+08:00

Today i am reminded that our actions can grieve the Holy Spirit.

Yet every page that i flip, i see God's redemptive love written all over. words like "they will be my people, I will be their God", "I will make an everlasting covenant with them", "I have chosen you and have not rejected you" and the list goes on.

it makes me sad, that I've (we've) made You sad.

lock and key hypothesis

2010-04-13T18:00:00.005+08:00

i should blog bout my camp sooon. SOOOO many great stuff happened, but that also means a very long post too. hahas. so let me just share with you my random thought today.

this is my lock and key hypothesis. (if you study bio, you'll understand. haha) in a relationship, God is like the lock, ie the enzyme. An enzyme is one which speeds up the rate of chemical reaction or acts as a catalyst in a biological reaction or process without being changed or altered at the end of the chemical reaction. in the same way, God is our constant, and when 2 substrates come together, a chemical reaction takes place, bonds are formed and a new substrate is produced!

you can think of it in the light of a BGR. but today i was thinking of it in terms of friendships. esp christians with non-christians. i believe, if we bring our non christian friend to God, and allow him to be the enzyme in our lives, God will bring us closer together. a stronger friendship will be formed and wa-la! who knows, they will be brought into the kingdom of light.

a new substrate is formed!

food for thought: who are the fellow substrates in our lives?

opened doors

2010-03-25T15:07:00.002+08:00

everyday i find myself looking down and around. looking at the circumstances. but each time i do that, i must remind myself to look up! God's promises are yes and amen.

revelations 3:7-8
"These are the words of him who is holy and true, who holds the key of David. What he opens no one can shut, and what he shuts no one can open. I know your deeds. See, I have placed before you an open door that no one can shut. I know that you have little strength, yet you have kept my word and have not denied my name."

we lose perspective when we lose sight of the promises of God.

and thank you God for opposition, because it makes me depend on you all the more.

God is bigger than the boogey man

2010-03-24T15:56:00.003+08:00

you can throw all kinds of crap at me,
you can make me feel sad, hurt and upset
but you aint gonna take my soul
which trusts and hopes in the Lord.

you can turn people against me,
you can cause an uproar,
but you aint gonna take away my choice to love.

you can spit at me,
and you can take away my "name"
but my delight is in the Lord,
i will look to Him always.

my God is bigger,
MUCH bigger,
MUCH MUCH bigger,
than the boogey man! =D

i love you jesus.

Where is God?

2010-03-21T16:29:00.005+08:00

Today at children's church:

teacher: Where is God?

kid 1 luca: in heaven!
kid 2 tori: in our hearts!

i whispered to kid 3, jayden: everywhere...
kid 3 jayden: i know, he slept with me!
me (smiling): jesus slept with you?
jayden: yeah! he slept beside me last night!

ohmy! how cute can that be?! such child like innocence. so adorable!!

Holy

2010-03-20T12:56:00.002+08:00

that ten, fifteen minutes i had with you were the most holy moments i had since forever. you oh God ordained it all, you orchestrated it since the beginning. your words are so precious to me and your word so holy that my fingers could only dare to flip those pages.

could any other love this deep, could any other travel through time? search me and test my thoughts. make me who you always wanted me to be. mould me in your likeness.

this is what i'm living for. let's do it.

needa pray and believe

2010-03-19T15:26:00.002+08:00

Thinking through, What to do
You're searching every angle and point of view
Good advice, well rehearsed
Only seems to make matters worse

When you're at a dead end
Where do you go?
My friend, there's an answer I know

Pray, when the road is steep
Pray, when you're hope gets weak
Know the Father hears through
The silence and the tears you

Pray, when you don't know how
Pray, heaven's waiting now
And Jesus is just a breath away
Pray

The deepest sighs, Of the heart
Sometimes it's a struggle when we first start
To wrap our needs up in words
And trust that somehow we will be heard

Draw near, and know you are loved
God hears, and his heart is touched

PRAY FOR THE STRENGTH YOU'RE NEEDIN'
TO GO ON BELIVIN'
No matter what you face
You'll have the wisdom and the grace to..

need your strength to go on believing. believing in the things unseen despite everything else that's happenin'

your grace still amazes me

2010-03-15T11:04:00.006+08:00

you've captured my heart once again. you are my reason for being. i'm sorry i've walked away. i'm sorry i've hardened my heart towards you. i don't wanna walk alone any longer. i don't wanna try on my own. i need you to hold my hands.

today as i've confessed that i give you my EVERYTHING. reignite that fire in me. renew my vision. reinstate me as your child.

your grace and your love is deeper, wider, stronger and higher. Higher than what i think, higher than my ways, higher than my understanding. i put my trust in you.

i need to go. will you let me go?

update

2010-03-10T23:29:00.002+08:00

it's been.... omg. only 17 days since i got back? hahas. feels like forever. but i've got 25 more days to my easter camp... REALLY SOON! gonna meet my beloved pj. yayyy.

well the new semester brought new challenges. i found myself struggling with friendships. weird. never did before...but in this desert land, as much as i can safely say i've got loads of friends, i felt alone. i felt that no one understood me. i felt that there was no one to stand beside me as i made certain choices. i felt that i was alone in making good godly choices and standing by my values. i felt that car was just very very far away... literally.. i felt that all of you reading this, were all too far away. i don't know. it was just quite hard. but through it, the first 1 half weeks or so, my heavenly friend brought new joys into my life. opened more doors to meet new ppl. (actually i kinda secretly like meeting new ppl though i think it's tiring at the same time. i can't decide) He assured me even of our divine friendship. that he was only a whisper away.

i also found myself struggling to prioritise! interesting eh. before, church was church, if friends go out on church days. don't disturb me. but here i am finding myself threading the thin line of should i or should i not go? maybe i was struggling to find acceptance. with the disguise of wanting to reach out. but prob not. there are a lot of ppl out there who want my time. time that is limited, time that is precious and cannot be replaced. it could only go one way. to cut the long story short. it was between ocf and river cruise, tennis intercollege and church on sun (but a special international student sunday). i struggled with it for DAYS. hahas. stupid. but at the end i decided on church. and by default i'm going for ocf.

i've come to the realisation. that this sem, my main ministry, main calling is to do the camp, and to do it well. anything that stood in the way of me being a good head is NOT good! hahas. my mission field firstly now. is my camp comm. i should invest my time into them, more nowwwww than my other friends. not that the other ppl are not impt but this is the circle of influence i have right now and i should do it well. my new year resolution this year to grow intentionally in my calling requires intentional decisions made against my will. anyways by default i'm going for ocf cuz river cruise tickets ran out. hahaha. i'm actually quite lazy. and didnt really feel like going.

as for why church not tennis. there was no relational impt that i had to go tennis. it was for commitment and support that i wanna play. plus fun. in terms of relationship building. church won hands down. THERE ARE GOING TO BE PREBELIEVERS WE'RE INVITING! so. that i made up my mind to do that. =)

i guess i wouldnt say i've gotten it all right. prioritizing is truely a skill and there's no right or wrong to it. please keep me in prayer. cuz i'm really still in the midst of learning these life lessons. goodnight.

camp is coming on well =D

just wanna say...

2010-03-05T04:12:00.000+08:00

i'm missing YOU! =D

what more can i say?

Partners with Christ

2010-01-21T00:53:00.002+08:00

the last few days have been amazing. not like good feeling kinda amazing but what God has been doing one after another in this 8 day trip to perth. it really blows my mind. anyways. tell you the details another time.

today i had a revelation. it suddenly hit me wad prayer is. i was reflecting on my thoughts at prayer mtg ystd, i wanted to pray that ppl at conference would be like jacob in wrestling with God until they get the blessings of God and a new name. and today's sermon was bout "how bad do you want it?" and a mini point was bout jacob! cuz i didnt pray it out ystd. it really made me think. then! i realised that the beautiful thing about prayer is seeing your prayers unfold into reality. it's seeing God's purposes fulfilled here on Earth.

prayer is a PARTNERSHIP with the Lord of Heaven and Earth! how amazing is that! when you pray and see great things happening. you realise that it's not wad you did as a mere human being, with meagre human strength that accomplished it. It is not even God who is able to do everything and anything that he does it himself. alone. But that he allows us to be partners with him! How sweet is his Grace and how deep is his love for us that he would share this responsibilty with us! to see His Glory revealed on Earth. to see his plans and purposes unfold as we partner in prayer.

i'm truly honoured! =D

one of a kind...

2010-01-13T15:23:00.003+08:00

i've come to realise that you don't have to try to be someone different. or someone special. you are truly one of a kind. the way you talk, and the way you behave, just be yourself because that is what makes you YOU. the more we try, the more disfigured or disorientated we become. it's only when we learn how to embrace and love ourselves, that's when true beauty shows.

even how we live our lives, and what we believe in. our values and our character is what makes us special. it's good to have role models. but remember. stay you. it's good to pick up good behaviour from ppl, learning how to be more responsible etc. but in each, you gotta find your own style, even when living out the same value.

i'm sorry i sound so messy cuz it seems like i am talking to you, me, from me, whatever. but yeah. i am actually talking to me. =D anyways gotta run. meeting my beloved mentee in half an hour. cheerios.

2010 thus far.

2010-01-12T02:22:00.003+08:00

2010 has thus far been a great year. i can't help but think of what it'll be like on 21st feb when i take the airplane back to perth again. ppl tell me it gets easier. but to me. i think it gets harder and harder.

amazing things that has been happening: my new year resolutions seem to be in line with wad is being preached on pulpit. it's like god saying, you are still grounded here, though i've called u to be in perth for this season. =D

i've met up with loads of groups of ppl. ppl whom i thought i might not meet. and it's been great joy just catching up.

bible reading schedule, not on schedule but a daily routine. check!

upcoming influencers conference. DEAR JESUS! as i serve. or help out in any way possible. i pray you speak to me and direct me in your ways. may i be attentive to your leading and follow in obedience.

friends. friends. friends. i'm greatly blessed. =D

i'm coming!! =D

2009-11-24T01:09:00.002+08:00

HELLLOOOOOOO! i'm at the airport waiting for my flight home! omg this is super exciting. can't wait. in 6 hours time i will be breathing in singapore air. WHOOHOO!

i saw 11 shooting stars in 1 hour at my road trip. it was the MOST amazing moment of my life. i teared. HAHAHAHA. so pretty.

we met into a car accident.

the trip was still gooood. the scenery was magnificent.

my touch rugby team won the state championships.

i think my extended stay in perth was worth it. THOUGH it seemed kinda forever. but oh wells! SEE YOU ALL SOOOOOON! =D

loves!

what stats does to you....

2009-11-09T01:33:00.001+08:00

just 15 more hours to freedom...

i "love" stats

2009-11-08T13:57:00.002+08:00

i woke up today and "snickered" to myself. "heh. i'm gonna be done with my exams tmr. hooray!"

the wonders of caffeine

2009-10-31T21:14:00.004+08:00

SCOREEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!! hahaha. that's how i felt after i finished my psyc exam. =P not to be proud or anything. but i really felt that God was with me. and whether i get a distinction or a high distinction, i'm more than happy to receive it! though there were some questions that i had no clue wad theory or wadsoever, i felt happy doing it. in fact i was smiling retardedly to myself. HAHA! and after i finished it and as i tried to figure out those i was unsure of, and guess wad? i suddenly remembered the theories and wad drugs were meant for which disorder etc. how cool is that. =D i love my God.

"through you i can do anything,
i can do all things,
cuz it's you who gives me strength,
nothing is impossible!"

the funny thing that happened today. i was supposed to wake up at 6am to study, in the end i woke up at 652am. anyways to cut the long story short, i did some mcqs, went to eat breakfast then i got a pack of old town coffee from my friend and i made a cup of it. i think the cup was too small for the amt of coffee powder there was cuz for the next 3 hours i was ultra hyper, fidgety, restless, crazy, everything! ANDDDDD!!!!!!! i went to the toilet 10times! 10!!!!! every half and hour or so i had to leave my table and online mcqs to go to the loo. that's 200ml of urine causing a stretch in the urinary bladder therefore triggering the micturition reflex -> pee time. 200ml x 10 = 2litres of pee! omgg! the wonder of caffeine. amazing.

after the paper, i was so happy still that i went "jogging" with my malaysian friend mui mui down to the swan brewery. actually we were like jumping , hopping, dancing all the way and screaming along the way. =D and cuz the wind was too strong, it was almost impossible to jog back, hence the excuse to walk and enjoy the nice scenery of the swan river. this is such a great day to be living. hooray.

prayer

2009-10-31T09:17:00.002+08:00

dear Jesus,

calm my nerves.. help me to overcome all these mcqs. amen...
oh and get HD for my psyc later. amen!

your daughter,
yihui

submission + obedience

2009-10-27T00:25:00.004+08:00

today i learnt a new level of submission and obedience. i realised that sometimes, the things that God has called you to do might not be what you wanna do. at first i thought so, like i asked God "why does it have to be so hard?! isn't it supposed to be easier? like you give me the passion or desire to do it and then i'll do it happily?" and today, i remember Jesus at the garden of Gethsemane and i remember Abraham who had to sacrifice isaac. both of them did not like what God asked them to do (and i believed they both struggled big time) but they submitted and obeyed to His ways. They chose to obey He whose ways and thoughts are higher than ours.

so today, no matter how i felt, no matter what i thought, it did not matter. God mattered. living for Him and making Him happy mattered to me. and so i chose submission and obedience. and i know already that he will bless me, and his anointing and power will be upon me.

"obey, and later you'll understand. but if you try to understand first, you'll never do" mike connell

blessings

2009-10-25T00:42:00.005+08:00

Thank you Jesus for blessing me with such great friends =D and dear Lord! i pray that ivy's gonna ace her english exams on monday, because she is highly favoured by you. AMEN

history maker =P

2009-10-24T05:29:00.002+08:00

i'm making history! i'm not going to sleep tonight. i wonder how long i will last. but i must type this post to prove to everyone i am still awake. HAHAS. i enjoyed the msn video chat and skype with my 3 wonderful friends =D missing home so much! miss you all so much! officially 30 more days!!!!!!! bring it on!

self righteousness

2009-10-18T22:47:00.003+08:00

a thought came to my mind recently. do you think that christian leaders sometimes get so caught up in self righteousness that we forget our purpose as his disciples? it can include pastors, missionaries, cell leaders, catholic priests etc. i think this statement is true.

i was talking to one of such leaders recently, and he was telling me bout how he helps out in a home for the homeless. and does some counseling there and this and that. and it struck me, does God really care about HOW MUCH we do for him? like really. i think sometimes we as leaders get so so so caught up in our world of i'm doing God's work, or doing something good, that it becomes very self edifying. it makes us feel good that we are doing God's work. we lift ourselves higher than we really should. we think more highly of ourselves than we really should.

"Pride goes before destruction,
And a haughty spirit before a fall.
Better to be of a humble spirit with the lowly,
Than to divide the spoil with the proud." (Proverbs 16:18-19)

and yesterday as we were closing off with a song during ocf cell, Romans 5:8 suddenly became so real to me, that "God demonstrated his own love for us, that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us". i realised then, that i am also a sinner (not that i didnt know, but it was a big reminder), i needed God as much as everyone else. and if i have called into his glorious riches, it is truly a privilege, a privilege that must be shared and not kept hidden. it doesn't mean that when we become christians we become "better" than non-christians. no way.... and it doesn't mean that as christian leaders that we are "better" than the members of the church. i am nothing without Christ, but in Him i have everything, and i am loved. and i serve the church and his people because God's love compels me to love others just as he has loved me.

dear lord, forgive me and every other christian leader who has served out of self righteousness and self edification. teach us to serve and love from your perspective and lead us in the paths of righteousness. amen.

love <3

2009-10-12T16:54:00.003+08:00

wow. i thank God for liangsheng. though he is full of rubbish most of the time... he just gave me some VERYY good advice so that i don't get into trouble. pheww. and i think... over the past few months here in perth, i have come to appreciate his friendship a lot. (don't get me wrong for those of you who don't know him. hahas. he is happily attached =)) which brings a thought: wad's everyone's thoughts about platonic friendships? i've yet to come up with a conclusion. but i think it depends on who. i think. hmmm.....

car says i never blog about my days... soo today i will....i've been studying in the library since 1pm. turning into a nerd. yay to me. i don't like studying the nervous system. so hard! today in psyc lecture, they were talking about the different types of love and what determines whether a relationship will stick.

basically there are 3 types of love: romantic love (intimacy + passion), companionate love (intimacy + commitment) and consumate love (intimacy + passion + commitment). now you can ask yourselves what kind of love you are feeling with a certain person. haha! anyways. each type is a weak indicator of whether a relationship will stick, (of course you'd think that consummate love is the highest level of love) rather a good indicator is how couples move from one type of love to another. so true eh. it just simply means how you grow together as a couple.

and.... how to maintain close relationships is by the type of attachments you form with each other and equity. A secure attachment style is better than anxious or avoidant. as for equity, it is a condition in which the outcomes people receive are proportional to what they contribute to it. well maybe i don't fully agree with this because i feel both parties gotta give 100% and not 50% each to make 100%. but i think wad they are saying is perceiving equity. anyways, just a random statement i rmb from last sunday's sermon, God created eve not from adam's head that she should rule over him, not from his feet that he should trample over her, but from his rib, that she should serve beside him, under his arms to be protected by him, and close to his heart to be loved by him... awww so sweet right! hahas

so that's about it for today's edition on love. hahas. i miss you guys back home. EVERYONE of you. i'm coming home SOOOOOOON! =D

TODAY

2009-10-11T00:06:00.003+08:00

i think i'm back in the game! i've finally KINDA caught up with my psychology readings. 4 more looonng chapts, but 3 weeks to do it. not tooo bad! i think psyc always made me think i'm lagging behind. but now, it's okay. just got to keep my mind focused the next few weeks. 19more days to exams, finish on the 9th of nov. i wish i could say 29more days to home, but i decided to stay here longer. to play touch and enjoy the country. hahas. so! i'm coming home on the 24th in the weee hours of the morning. can't wait! YAY! (bar chor mee here i come...hehehe)

yesterday as we closed in prayer in little groups during ocf, i asked my african buddy to pray that time will pass faster so that i could go home. and when he prayed, he chuckled and said "dear God i pray you remind yihui that there's 24hours in a day which cannot be changed, i pray that she will concentrate on today and live for today and not think bout tomorrow. etc etc" something like that, and i think it's sooo true! so many times i get caught up with tmr, with the coming week, with my future that i forget about living the now for Christ. to give him the best i can give TODAY. to love him TODAY, to appreciate his wonders TODAY. there's so much to praise God for TODAY.

"Don't run away"

2009-10-10T02:42:00.005+08:00

10 ‘If you will still remain in this land, then I will build you and not pull you down, and I will plant you and not pluck you up.

13 “But if you say, ‘We will not dwell in this land,’ disobeying the voice of the LORD your God, 14 saying, ‘No, but we will go to the land of Egypt where we shall see no war, nor hear the sound of the trumpet, nor be hungry for bread, and there we will dwell’— 15 Then hear now the word of the LORD, O remnant of Judah! Thus says the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel: ‘If you wholly set your faces to enter Egypt, and go to dwell there, 16 then it shall be that the sword which you feared shall overtake you there in the land of Egypt; the famine of which you were afraid shall follow close after you there in Egypt; and there you shall die." Jeremiah 42:10-18

"Don't run away" you said. and that's wad i'd do. i thank you for your promise that you will build me, plant me and grow me where i am. i believe you have a reason for placing me in such a terrible, trying and tiring position. It literally feels like i am torn into 2 worlds, one of grace and one of law. but i believe that both can work hand in hand and i'd be able to find a balance in the two. do we not see grace in the law?

ultimately i pray you root me in your word and make it my firm foundation. i pray for unity and against disunity. i pray for forgiveness for our pride. i pray for love and understanding. i pray for a fresh revelation of the unified body of Christ, ie the church. i pray that holy spirit you guide me in the right ways. i pray.

today i learn to pray.

blackhole

2009-10-01T01:00:00.001+08:00

Deliverance from the Black Hole
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 2, by Os Hillman
09-30-2009

"As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Joshua 1:5b).

A black hole is a place of total nothingness. It's a time in our life when God removes the resources and supports that we normally rely on to feel secure - our careers, finances, friends, family, health and so forth. It is a preparation time.

When you find yourself in a black hole experience, don't just sit and brood. Take stock of your life. Take a look at your relationship with God.

First, ask God if there are any sins, habits, or attitudes that He might be judging in your life. It's important to discern whether the trial we face is the result of God's discipline for our sin?or if it is preparing us for a future leadership role.

Second, when you enter a black hole, don't trust your feelings. Trust God. Your feelings will tell you, "God has rejected you. Abandon hope. He has left you utterly alone." Feelings change; God never changes. Feelings come and go; God is always with us.

Third, remember that your black hole experience is not only intended to refine and define you; it's also intended to influence and change the lives of hundreds or even thousands of other people. Our adversity is not just for us, but others in our sphere of influence.

Fourth, don't try to hurry the black hole process along. Remember, when Joseph was in the depths of the pit, there was nothing he could do about it. He couldn't climb out, jump out, levitate out, or talk his way out. All he could do was pray and wait upon the Lord.

Fifth, lean on God. Even when you don't feel like praying, pray. Even when you don't feel like reading His Word, read. Even when you don't feel like singing songs of faith, sing. When you pray, don't just talk; listen. Be silent before Him and listen for His still, quiet voice.

Sixth, be alert to new truths and new perspectives. During a black hole experience, God often leads us to amazing new discoveries. A black hole can be a storehouse of unexpected riches for the soul.

-WOW-

drawn back

2009-09-28T16:14:00.007+08:00

it's interesting how you keep drawing me back to your will in my life. especially at times when i feel i've strayed away from it, or when i keep questioning myself of how am i to "reach" that place. i'm dumbfounded by your faithfulness, and how Jesus, you keep pursuing me even when i've stopped.

i'll take your hand again, bring me somewhere special where it's just YOU and ME
__________________________________________________________

"There are many plans in a man’s heart, nevertheless the LORD’s counsel — that will stand." Prov 19:21

and i say:
All that I am, all that I have
I lay them down before you, oh Lord
All my regrets, all my acclaims
The joy and the pain, I'm making them yours

Lord, I offer my life to you
Everything I've been through
Use it for your glory
Lord I offer my days to you
Lifting my praise to you
As a pleasing sacrifice
Lord I offer you my life

"The counsel of the LORD stands forever, the plans of His heart to all generations." Psalm 33:11

amen.

fireworks=love

2009-09-27T00:56:00.003+08:00

Perth Royal Show was awesome. it's a carnival kinda thing, like those you see in the movies. rides, candy floss, popcorn and those stores that rob you of your money (cuz i didnt win a single soft toy today. haha) anyways, the company was great, and we almost bought funky wigs that were red, blue, pink etc. but we didnt. The fireworks was THE BEST. it's so much prettier and longer than that in singapore. boo to singapore's national day parade fireworks, you should feel embarrassed. i loved it when the fireworks seemed to shower upon us, and how i could enjoy it on the green grass with nice cold weather. i wished car was there right beside me.

anyways, somehow for a moment, i suddenly felt so close to God. it was as though he was showering His love upon me, as though he was quietly embracing me, no words required, just that gentle warm touch. awwwwww. that was lovely.

i'm looking forward to church tmr. influencers city church is turning 2! svc is gonna be great, there's gonna be a BBQ after church with the big bouncy air castle for the kids to play with. AND AND! i'm on duty tmr! to take care of the lil ones, YAY! (for those of u who dont know. i'm serving in kid's ministry! taking care of 18mth-3yr olds.) i can't wait. it's gonna be a good day! goodnight world.

it's all worth it =)

2009-09-20T20:50:00.002+08:00

it's all worth it. at the end of the day, even when trials and obstacles come our way, it's all worth it. Jesus is worth it, His family (my family) is worth it. now i have joy again. i didn't know so much of it was stolen from me the whole of today.

"Therefore, as God's chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity." Colossians 3:12-14

friend X

2009-09-20T19:56:00.003+08:00

whoever would have thought the day would come that i would be faced with the struggle of making a friendship work. all along, making friends, sustaining friendships, it's been a breeze for me. until now.

maybe all along, when i saw that some of the friendships i had could not work out, whether short term or long term, i walked out of them. slowly but surely. i probably always took the easy way out. if i didn't think i could click with the person, i turned away, having the idea that "hey, i am just walking away from the potential troubles or conflicts that may occur. this is the probably the best way to live in harmony." but is it?

i know somehow in my heart, that this one friendship i have is god-given. but i am struggling so much with it. i know that this friend is supposed to be a blessing and not a burden. but so many days i wonder, is it really worth it? it's not the most pleasant thing to be snapped at over the smallest things, or even being the emotional punching bag when friendX has had a bad day. i've never had anybody dislike me that much before. i dont really think friendX hates me, it just feels that way on those stormy days. and it sucks.

maybe i've been insensitive to friendX's needs. or insensitive in the things that i said. and as it builds up in friendX's life, coldness and distance sets in. but if that's the case? why not just tell me straight? do i really need to receive such treatment.

today ps brad preached on unity, and how the enemy loves to create disunity in the family of God, in relationships that god has predestined and anointed etc. so what now? should i say sorry? but i don't even know why.

obviously, my human thinking is not to do it. how should i respond? should i act carnally or spiritually?

"Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace." Eph4:2-3

WHY. i don't get it. it's never been so hard. what's wrong? why does this friendship have to be like that. Why do i always have to make the first move? why do i have to feel this way. ARGHHHHHHHHHH! God.............. please help. i'm so frustrated i don't know what to do already... making every effort to keep that unity is really taking a lot of effort out of me. literally!

stay in line

2009-09-14T22:02:00.003+08:00

there have been so much that has been happening in my life in the past 2 weeks that i do not know where to start.

i have gone from rock bottom..
to sky high..
to rock bottom..
to sky high.

one thing in my mind now is: how do i stand firm and stay in line with God's will? today i read "if you stand for nothing, you fall for anything" and i think that is soooooooo true! it's getting so real for me these days. that i really need to know what i believe, what my convictions are and what are my values or i'll be totally swayed in this world.

truth to be told, i've fallen. i'm lost as to what to do. but i know one thing i can do, and that is to return to my Father in heaven. but that's like the hardest part! it is the most painful and the most draining part as it sucks out every ounce of emotion from you.

other train of thoughts or struggles: why do i have to show people who i am or prove to them that i am capable of something? why do i feel the need to? why do people think that they know more than you? in ministry and church sense, do you offer to serve or do you wait for them to ask? or maybe should i put it this way, do we wait for God to provide a way in due time? what does being humble mean? why do i sometimes feel that ppl do not care as much as they seem to care? AND REALLY.. why do i feel the way i feel?

it's during these times that i miss home so so much! i miss car, i miss the bedok l cell, i miss THE Lcell, i miss my mummy. because i know all you guys out there love me for who i am, even in my most rotten form i believe you'd all still be there for me. i know i do not have to try to please you all, i know that i will not be judged, i know that i can find the support and love i need from y'all.

i'm just tired from all these. i feel so weak at times, i just need YOU (points up)

Disclaimer:
with such an entry, i must clarify to say that there were happy things that happened too. eg serving in children's ministry aka taking care of 18mth-3yr old kiddos, sand fight at the beach, paintball, chilling in king's park, wii, boardgames, rugby, playing and taking care of many many kids after church together with liangsheng ystd as the adults talked and surprising liangsheng by washing his car today becasue he's been such a great friend =) etc.

the Lost and the Faith

2009-09-01T00:30:00.003+08:00

today i had the great and wonderful opportunity to watch Prince of Egypt with 2 non believing friends... and one of them has hardly any idea about Christianity cuz she's malaysian. which brings me to wonder... what are we doing as christians since there are so many who are unreached!

my singaporean non believing friend said that she likes the idea that she is responsible for her own life, like if she does wrong, she's the one to blame. she said she did not not believe that there is a God out there, but yeah. she just doesn't want to be bounded to anything. she likes the freedom. and i said freedom is lost if you are bounded to religion and rituals. but with christianity i reckon it is different. instead of losing freedom i gained freedom. (but as i was saying this she was kinda lost in her own train of thoughts as she had some other things to say) ohwells. even with that being said, i do not sense that the door has been shut on me. i think i still got chance!

my malaysian friend on the other hand, is super open. she's been going to church and ocf with me. even church cell group. amazing. and since i am helping out in discovery group in ocf where basically ppl find out more bout christianity. she's kinda like in my care. and i just pray that i will know what to say, when to say and how to say. so that i may only spur her on towards knowing Jesus as her personal Lord and Saviour.

i've also yet another friend, whom i thought was christian cuz he said he was catholic then he "converted" and started going to new creation. but last week as i drove him home (and his house was quite far away), we had a very interesting talk. he told me this "actually yihui, i don't really believe that God exists" and he went on to explain bout how there is so much suffering in the world and that wad about those ppl who are born into muslim families, do they not have a chance to hear about who Jesus is, etc. i listened and kinda tried my best to explain, but he said that those were excuses that Christians give. then i realised. omg yihui, you better stock up on your apologetics, or at least read The Faith given to you by the church. but he was really honest and open with me and when i asked if i could do some research and email it to him, he was very grateful.

it seems that there have been many doors open to me. i even managed to secure a coffee appointment with this canadian chinese girl who's here for exchange but isn't christian. then all these made me realise that i really needed to be grounded in the word of God and i had to know who God is for who He is.

i ask myself, "what is my story?" simply because if i knew who God was and is to me, and how He really did change my life then, i'd be able to be better in effectively sharing the gospel by opening an innocent conversation to something so real and deep. So what's my story? What made me draw close to God? What made me believe that God is real? How do i know for certain? Who is this God that i have given my life to? and Why would it benefit others?

no amount of time nor words can convince people to know Jesus. they do not need to be convinced. they need to be convicted. and conviction of one's heart can only come from God above. no human effort can manufacture a God encounter. and now i know, that it is not I. if i want to reach these ppl, i need Jesus. because without him, i can do nothing. i am a mere instrument he can use if he wills.

Purify my heart,
let me be as gold and precious silver.
Purify my heart,
let me be as gold, pure gold.

Refiner's fire,
my heart's one desire
is to be holy;
set apart for You, Lord.
I choose to be holy;
set apart for You, my Master,
ready to do Your will.

Purify my heart,
cleanse me from within
and make me holy.
Purify my heart,
cleanse me from my sin, deep within.

simply because I NEED YOU

kids.

2009-08-16T00:44:00.003+08:00

As the sun comes up
'till its going back down
No I'll never back down
From living for You my God
I'm living for truth my God
As time goes by
And the seasons change
No I'm never gonna change
My love for You my God
My hope in You my God
Everybody now!

I wont stop
Never gonna stop praising
Every day You'll be my number one
Jesus Jesus
My number one

RAP...
As I wake up in the morning
And I'm ready to start my day
I'll praise You my God

No matter what I face
Gonna put my faith in You
I'll praise You my God

At the end of the day
Gonna stand my ground and say
I'll praise You my God

Wave your hands in the air
and tell me what you're gonna do
I''ll praise You my God

I wont stop never gonna stop praising
I wont stop never gonna stop praising
I wont stop never gonna stop praising
I wont stop never gonna stop praising
I wont stop never gonna stop praising

I'm so hyper now, you'd never believe it. Never would i thought a day would come, where i tought that kids are just soo adorable, and that they are truly God's precious ones whom He has called to himself.

Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." Matthew 19:14

it's amazing how these young ones worship God with total abandonement, and child-like innocence and faith. i need to remember this once again!!! anyways. all i wanna say in this post is that, i have a sudden desire to serve in children's ministry. HAHA. but talking "kid language" is kinda weird. but i am feeling really happy now.. especially after watching that vid again and again and again. who knows, maybe i'll end up working with kids one day! =D

as ONE

2009-08-15T01:30:00.002+08:00

i may not understand,
and i may not agree,
but one thing i know
is that pride is not the key.

we might think that our own way is the best,
and as good as it may be,
really!!!
there are many other ways to see.

it's not about the methods,
it's not about how well the leader leads,
it's really about a personal relationship God has with his people,
the germinating seed.

help me to see the big picture,
for i know i can only see this far,
may my heart not be hardened,
but instead poured out to you like an alabaster jar

at the end of the day,
i pray that this would not turn bad,
cuz an ugly fight will just make my God very very sad.

unity and love is all we need,
in one voice come, let us sing,
"Jesus, Jesus,
Our Lord and King!"

an eventful start to the semester...

2009-08-11T23:32:00.005+08:00

it's week4 of the semester and i have yet to study. even right now it's so hard to concentrate and i'm doing everything but do wad a student gotta do. facebook, msn, gmail, etc. i've come to realise that the computer is the worst distraction ever. one of the most distracting inventions ever created. yet i dont think i can live without it..

3 more weeks and it's mid semester break and we're planning to go up north. omg. PLAY again. but the dolphins, seals, sharks, camels, they are calling out for me. i can't wait! hahaha. no more playing anymore till midsem break!

week 1: skipped classes, went around with car. Day 1, we went to lancelin for sandboarding. got dirty, fell sick. at night had the most tender loving medical care by my dearest best friend who could not sleep cuz i was emitting way too much heat under the blanket. Day 2 we watched liangsheng play rugby, took more pics than supporting him, at night had pizza at little caesars. YUM! Day 3 was spent at caversham wildlife park with tommy the donkey, snowy the lama, ivy the kangaroo and i think we forgot to name the koalas. hahas. had a couple of good videos taken at night too! check out fb. (giraffes dont like liangsheng) Day 4 we went down south to margaret river and on the way dropped by bunbury and busselton. it was raining cats and dogs! we practically drove in and out of rain. got a 300 dollar speeding ticket. played 'thambi loves curry' at night in the comfort of margaret river backpackers. Day 5 was great with sunny weather. went down to augusta to leeuwin lighthouse where the indian ocean and southern ocean met. we saw whales too! on the way back to perth it was wine tasting, chocolate factory, beer tasting, simmon's icecream. on the way back we uncovered liangsheng's hidden talent for singing! esp to tailor swift!!!reached back perth at 930pm, but the day had not ended! we went to watch harry potter at subiaco. hahas. Day 6, king's park with car. bestest place to spend with your best friend. =D shopping in the city then home sweet home at night. it was a good 7days with car. and i can do this all over again, anytime. (Day 1, 1 was her first night here)

week 2: tried to study and get back to studying. made new friends, even a zimbabwe guy called william. good stuff! michelle arrives on thurs night, liangsheng is happy. =) God speaks to me about OCF.

week 3: still trying to study. went out lunch once with liangsheng and michelle. getting into the flow of sch... mummy arrives on thurs night, school flow distrupted again. but i am happy.

week 3-4: mummy arrives on thurs, supper at hawkers. mmm.... Day 2(fri), supposed to go strawberry picking but season not in full bloom yet. went to hillary's harbour and ate icecream. yummy steak at aunty TH hse for dinner. Day 3(sat) swan valley for the 6th time since i arrived in perth, wine tasting and choc factory. pizza at little caesars. fettucini pizza and choc pizza etc. YUMMM! Day 4(sun) we went to church then went to fremantle and slacked around. 150 dollar fish and chips and seafood lunch. EXPENSIVEEEEE!!! bought boxing kangaroo pen for car. dinner. chinese. Day 5(mon) drove up north east to toodyay. got really lost, we were supposed to reach there at 930am, in the end we only arrived at 1045 close to 11am. reached the farm and the farmer rushed us to feed the hungry cows. there were sooooo many of them! sherron would have been happy. =) there was a billy goat too. saw pigs, sheep, dogs etc. the pigs were REALLY huge and smelly. next was rushed to another place called boshack, there we went for a bushtucker walk, had homemade billy tea and snacks, fed the goats, tasting session of croc, kangaroo and emu meat, aussie bbq for lunch, canoeing at the lake, fed the kangaroos and had a jolly good time with the big angmo guy called rick. on the way back to perth, we stopped by a stream and ate wraps and chips! THIS IS LIFE!!!!! Day 6(tues, today) was spent alone with my mummy at garden city. had egg benedict for brunch and we went shopping. then it was homesweethome for mummy at night. =( i miss her already. just wished there was more time.....

now i've come to realised how much i've played, and wasted my time typing this entry, i have made up my mind to STUDY! tmr, wed.... study for bio test on thurs. thurs, physio and meet up with joshsim. fri, a 2hr psyc experiment and ocf. sat rugby and influencers makan session with cranium. sun church. study? 31aug bio research essay due. 2 weeks after psyc report due. time to studyyyyyyyyy...... time to get HDs. wad an eventful start to the semester. yay God! =D

my heart, your home.

2009-08-09T01:45:00.008+08:00

Come and make my heart Your home
Come and be everything I am and all I know
Search me through and through
‘Till my heart becomes a home for You

A home for You
A home for You
Let everything I do open up
A door for You to come through
And that my heart would be a place
Where You want to be…

guide my actions, let it glorify you.
you lead, i'll follow.

lost

2009-08-01T01:12:00.000+08:00

a dear friend i have lost. it hurts. really.

IT savvy God

2009-07-28T19:45:00.001+08:00

sometimes i wish God had msn. knowing that each time i come online, i will find someone there that i can pour out my feelings, my day, my life, everything. but i guess in reality it really is something like that. God always waits for us to come online, cuz he always is. sometimes we get naughty and we block him. or when we dont wanna talk, we put up the status "busy" or "away". yet he waits for us patiently. sometimes it's amazing how much you love us God. i still dont understand, and i dont think i will ever fully comprehend. sometimes i wish i had instant answers from you. like when i type, i get an answer straight away. yet i know you have a better way of drawing us closer to you, drawing me into intimacy with you. to my IT savvy God: i will pray. =D

i miss car.

2009-07-24T01:45:00.000+08:00

i love perth
it's life and it's beauty,
but this is torturous
away from you,
two thousand four hundred miles and twenty

i want to count the stars with you
roll around on green lush grass
eat cheese and sip wine
what more is there to ask?

7 days have passed by so quickly
yet i was as gay as i could be
whether rain or shine
you made me feel just fine

unlike you
i'm horrid at writing poems
so just let me say
car i wish you could stay!

i love you so so much!
and i miss you so very much! =)

brand new

2009-01-22T14:19:00.000+08:00

SPANKING NEW.

just wanna say, dont expect much from this blog. it is usually lifeless. i am a blog noob, and i actually dont care about this blog thing. but wadeva the case. it might serve me well when i go australia. hahaha

Adiós